When we talk about dog training, we often talk about obedience. We teach dogs to sit, stay, come when called, walk nicely and leave things alone. These are all useful skills, and there are certainly times when having a reliable response to a cue can make life safer and easier.

But after many years of working with dogs, I think there is something much bigger that we should be aiming for.

We should be teaching dogs how to cope with life.

A dog doesn't spend their life siting in front of us waiting for the next instruction. They encounter things without being asked to. They experience excitement, frustration, uncertainty and sometimes things they don't particularly like. They have to make decisions, process experiences and recover from them.

Those are skills too, even though we don't always call them training.

For me, one of the most valuable things we can teach a dog is that they don't need us to manage every moment for them.

Beyond obedience

Imagine a dog who sees another dog while out walking. Their owner immediately gives a cue, asks for eye contact and then tells them to move on. The dog responds perfectly. That looks like good training, but what happens when the owner doesn't give the instruction?

I want dogs to learn that seeing another dog doesn't automatically mean they have to do something about it. They can notice the dog, remain calm, carry on walking and eventually learn that another dog can simply be part of the environment.

This is particularly important because we often concentrate on teaching dogs to greet other dogs while forgetting to teach them how to walk past them. Walking calmly past another dog is a skill. It doesn't necessarily happen naturally, and it isn't something we should expect every dog to understand simply because they have met other dogs before. If every dog they encounter is allowed or encouraged to greet, play or interact, we may inadvertently teach them that seeing another dog means they should approach it.

There is nothing wrong with appropriate interaction between dogs, but greeting is only one part of being socially competent.

A well-socialised dog should also be able to ignore another dog. They should be able to walk past without pulling towards them, becoming overexcited or expecting to say hello. They need to learn that other dogs have their own space and that sometimes the polite thing to do is simply to leave them alone.

That doesn't happen by accident. We have to teach it.

Socialisation isn't about experiencing everything

This is why I think our understanding of socialisation needs to be broader than simply exposing a puppy to lots of people, dogs and new experiences.

A puppy who has met hundreds of people isn't necessarily better socialised than one who has learned to calmly watch people pass by. A dog who has played with dozens of dogs isn't necessarily more socially competent than one who has learned that most dogs they see on a walk are simply dogs they don't need to interact with.

Socialisation is about learning how to function comfortably in the world.

• Sometimes that means meeting something new

• Sometimes it means learning to ignore it, that we don't always need to be involved in everything that happens around us.

There is a danger of thinking that an under-socialised dog simply needs more experiences. But more isn't automatically better. If the dog is overwhelmed by those experiences, we may simply be giving them more opportunities to practise being overwhelmed.

The same applies to dogs who are constantly exposed to exciting experiences. A dog who expects every person to greet them and every dog to play with them may struggle just as much when the world doesn't provide those opportunities.

We aren't trying to prepare dogs for every possible thing they might encounter. We are trying to help them develop the ability to cope with whatever life happens to bring.

Learning to recover

This is where recovery becomes so important.

A dog will sometimes become excited. They may have a wonderful play session, become very enthusiastic on a walk or encounter something that worries them. We cannot and should not remove every stimulating or difficult experience from their lives.

What matters is whether they can come back down afterwards.

A dog who can become excited and then settle is developing an important skill. A dog who finds something worrying but, with appropriate support and distance, can eventually return to exploring their surroundings is learning something about coping. A dog who can become interested in another dog and then disengage and continue their walk is learning to regulate their own behaviour.

This is one of the reasons I place so much value on teaching dogs to settle. I don't want a dog to need me to continually tell them to be calm. I want them to learn what calm feels like and gradually become capable of finding it for themselves.

That is self-management, rather than constant owner management.

Choice and independence

Appropriate choice is another part of this.

I love watching my own dogs choose which direction they want to explore, which toy they want from the toy box or which activity interests them most. Those choices tell me something about the individual dog in front of me.

Choice doesn't mean allowing dogs to do whatever they want. We still have responsibilities as owners and there are boundaries that have to exist for safety and welfare. But within those boundaries, giving dogs opportunities to make decisions is valuable. It allows them to practise thinking for themselves rather than waiting for us to direct every movement.

Sometimes the most useful thing we can teach a dog is not what to do, but how to work something out.

Coping with an unpredictable world

Life is not predictable.

Walks don't always go according to plan. People appear unexpectedly. The environment changes. Something that was quiet yesterday might be noisy today. A dog may encounter something they have never seen before. A dog who has only ever been taught to perform specific behaviours in carefully controlled circumstances may struggle when the environment changes.

That is why I want training to extend beyond the formal exercises.

I want dogs to learn that when something changes, they have options. They can pause, look to their owner, move away, explore, wait or simply take a moment to work out what is happening.

And owners have an important role in this too.

Our job isn't to control every experience. It is to notice what our dog is telling us, make good decisions, provide appropriate boundaries and create opportunities for them to succeed.

• Sometimes that means intervening

• Sometimes it means giving them space

• Sometimes it means changing the plan

• And sometimes it means doing less and allowing the dog time to process what has happened.

What are we really training for?

I am not suggesting that obedience doesn't matter. It does. A reliable recall can save a dog's life, and teaching dogs how to respond to useful cues is an important part of responsible ownership. But obedience is only one piece of the picture.

I would much rather live with a dog who occasionally gets things wrong but can recover from excitement, walk calmly past another dog, make appropriate choices, settle when nothing is happening and cope when life doesn't go according to plan than a dog who performs every command beau fully but needs to be managed every second. Because ultimately, our dogs aren't going to spend their lives in training sessions. They are going to live.

They are going to encounter other dogs, people, noises, smells, changes and surprises. They are going to experience excitement and frustration. They are going to have good days and difficult days. Our job is not to make every one of those experiences perfect. It is to give them the skills to navigate them.

For me, that is what good dog training is really about; not simply creating a dog who knows how to obey but creating a dog who knows how to cope with life.